If You Read You'll Judge

So did I tell you guys…

I’m looking at the military or police academy (again) and AmeriCorps or Peace Corps. Leaning more towards Anericorps and the Navy, possibly even the Coast Guard.
But first I have to get better. My arthritis MUST go away. And I must get stronger.
It’s time for me to start acting like an adult. Not necessarily growing up… But kind of. Just for a little while.
I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be here, at college. I feel like I should be somewhere else.
I don’t like war and generally probably wouldn’t even consider the military. I don’t like guns. I don’t like war. I don’t like hurting or killing people. Hate is hate, no matter what… But I feel like this is my last choice.
I’m not motivated and I lack the discipline that I could receive from the military/AmeriCorps.
I could travel in the Navy or in AmeriCorps. I could see different places. I’d be free. Best of all, I could make my parents proud. Someone proud. I know they’ve been proud before… But not now I’m sure.
I’m on academic probation, I’m nearly failing English again… I don’t know what I want to study or what I want to do or where I’m going to go. I don’t even want to be at this college. I could do better. I could go out of state. The Navy and AmeriCorps PAY for college. My parents are struggling with money. I certainly don’t want them to pay when I am acting like this.
Plus no one thinks I can do it; they’ve told me I’m “too sweet” or “too kind” or flat out “you can’t do it”. I CAN do it. It’s time to prove you little fuckers wrong.

It’ll be better.
For everyone.

…I’ll keep you updated.